


First Time's the Charm

by gerbilfluff



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Anal Sex, Asphyxiation, Drinking, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Other, Possession, Rimming, Self-Harm, Sensation Play, Stuffing, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-18 12:31:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2348537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerbilfluff/pseuds/gerbilfluff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gravity Falls, 1954. A closeted gay man summons a demon he believes can solve all his relationship woes for him... which is true, but this being Bill Cipher's first-ever human possession, Bill's not about to make this a quick and easy deal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Glasses

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: possession that turns less than consensual; sensation play strong enough to leave blood/bruises/blisters; toying around with dongs and balls; stuffing/overeating; brief vomit (oh, there’ll be more). Okay, fellow trianglefuckers, have fun with the of-age OC!
> 
> I don't own the characters or concepts of Gravity Falls. No profit is being made from this file. 
> 
> Special thanks to nethervane of Tumblr, who is Best Bill Muse.

First Time’s the Charm  
by Apricot the Gerbil

Chapter 1: Glasses

 

_~ a nameless office building in Gravity Falls, 1954 ~_

"So hold on… Let me get this straight," the floating triangle intoned, his eye narrowing at the gangly human sweating before him at the edge of the summoning circle. He glanced down at the black-and-white photo of the target he’d been called to deal with. The short, fastidiously-combed black hair, thick, squared glasses, grey suit, checkered tie, harried-looking expression… Even with the eyes crossed out on the photo, it was obviously the very same man. "You call me all the way out here, and you’re not after secrets or curses or laying waste to your enemies… You seriously just want to be possessed?"

"I, well I…" the human stammered, nervously skimming fingers down his tie. "Hoping that’s not against the rules, Mister… Bill, isn’t it, sir?"

Bill conjured a tiny cane to lean stringy arms against in midair, listening to the fellow continue. “I’m just in an awful muddle right now, and I only want someone to step in and fix things…  _for_ me. Is that bad?”

 _"Bad?"_ Bill’s eye bulged blood-red, making the fellow flinch hold of the handkerchief he clutched in one hand. A blink, and the eye popped open in a bright pink heart-shape. “It’s ADORABLE is what it is!”

This got a wary “Oh. Well… good?” from the man as he dabbed sweat from his forehead. “I’ve never done anything like this before, but I really don’t know who else I could turn to.”

Another flinch; the triangle was suddenly at his shoulder, idly examining the fingers of his own flat, featureless black hand. “SO, Nicodemus Smith, Nick to his  _very_ few friends, age twenty-four, accountant, Sagittarius, has a mole he should really get checked in a certain number of years I won’t spoil…” Bill curled his arm pleasantly around the back of the human’s neck with a tap that made Nick’s skin tingle. “Mind if I call you Nicky? How ‘bout Glasses? ‘Cause I _like_ you, Glasses, I really do. If you could see the signs, they’d be all over you— you’re the third son of a third son,  _of a third son!_ D’you have any idea what I could get for a vial of your blood?”

Nick paled. “Does… that mean you can help me?”

"Now, now, Glasses. If you know how to find me, you’ll know I don’t work for free." Bill lifted his hand to point at the human. "But I’ll be square with you: I’ve never had a need to try out the possession gig before, so you’d be my first guinea pig. Still, I can make you… **A DEAL.** ”

Nick’s eyes widened at how those last words echoed like they did, but he pushed on; he’d already come this far. “I understand, Mr. Bill, sir. I can offer money, bank account numbers, firstborn—”

 _"Boring!"_ the triangle jeered, flipping his cane into nothingness before floating off the human’s shoulder, just in time to dodge a new bead-up of sweat. “And besides, I said I  _liked_ you, didn’t I? Your first summoning, my first possession… I won’t ask for much.”

Nicodemus closed his eyes with a frown. “I’d give you  _anything_.”

He felt his cheeks go numb, as the triangle cupped his face in both hands. Bill’s voice purred to him, “You have NO. IDEA. how much I love to hear that.”

He opened his eyes, squinting against the brightness of the creature’s yellow eye. “Well, I mean it. If you think of something later, i-if it’s anything, anything at all, I can give, I’ll—”

"Oh!  _Ohh…!”_ The purr arched in an orgasmic peak. “Oh, Glasses, you know what I _like!”_

Nick looked hopeful. “So you can take over, and fix my problems?”

Bill let go of him, giving an impressive snort for someone without a face. “This I’ve gotta hear. What kind of problems do you have that you need to summon  _me_ to handle?”

"Well, uh. For starters, it’s my fiancé." Another tie-fidget. "We’re set to be married next month, but… I can’t do it. It’s for my parents, really, I don’t love her at all!"

The triangle snapped his fingers. “So you want me to switch up how she looks? Wipe her memory, maybe?”

"No, that’s not it! I… don’t really like… any women, to be honest." Nick looked at the floor sheepishly. "I’d rather like to… to be with other fellas. Even just one. For the night, you know. But I have no idea how to even ask anyone about it!"

Bill’s yellow eye squinched upwards in amusement. “That’s  _right_ , you humans make a big deal about that, don’t you? Especially at this point in time. Bad luck, there, pal.”

Nick gave a helpless shrug. “So you have an idea, right? If I ask the wrong man, I could lose my job, my family would never talk to me again…”

"See, I never got that." The triangle tipped diagonally, in thought. "I’d say the whole being fixed to just three little dimensions would be  _waaay_ more cause to take issue with. Not that most of you can even see the fifth-dimensioners running around. Yet.”

Bill floated to clap Nick on the back. “But really, that’s all you want? Dump your bride, get you laid, turn in the keys when I’m done?”

A blush. “That’s about the size of it.”

Bill’s other hand burst into cold blue flames, flooding the office with a dazzling glow. “Shake on it?”

Nick brought his hand forward without a tremble of hesitation. As skin clapped to firey palm, he  _felt_ , not heard, the words: “ **No backsies.** ”

———

When he woke up _(he’d been asleep?)_ , he was floating.

Nicodemus patted through the glowing husk of… whatever he’d become. “Did it work?” he asked, looking down to see his own body flopping to the ground with a meaty thud.

He screamed. “What’s wrong? Am I dead?!”

His body twitched. Spasmed, all limbs bucking, then crumpling again. A dark stain bloomed and spread wide from the crotch of his grey suit pants. The jaws clacked shut, grinding together. “Kiff,” it huffed through the teeth. “Kiff. Fffme. Amminnt. A min… nut.”

Both eyes bulged open, the same brilliant yellow as the triangle’s. Bill hazarded a blink at the short office carpet with one eye, then the other. He slithered a tongue against two lines of teeth, mouth dangling slack open. “Graaavity. Right. _Ugh_.”

As Nick’s soul fretted to himself overhead, Bill’s words slowly picked up speed, from Novacaine-groggy to simply dazed. “Ungh. Haah. It’s like. Trying on every sweater that doesn’t fit right, all at once. And they’re all made of meat!”

He swung his left arm out at a sideways angle with a faint but audible snap, and flexed a hand, patting the palm over his new face. “But it’s so  _warm!_ This is amazing…” he moaned, pushing fingers into his mouth, licking them, humming in delight. He smeared the drool over the skin of his cheek. Swirled a thumb into the shell of an ear. “You’ve got so many holes and cavities and chutes in this thing but you can’t see them, you can only see what’s nearest to this one part of your  _head!_ " He yanked down on the skin of his face, dragging his eyes to sunken skin-holes behind the glasses. "How do you _stand_ it?!”

As Bill rolled and twisted against the floor, cackling at the feeling of occupying a mere height, width, and depth, Nick couldn’t help but feel somewhat embarrassed for his body. He crossed his ghost-arms, prodding with a “Don’t you think we should…”

Bill cut him off with a raised finger, which prompted another giggle. “Ooh! Look, I’m getting the hang of it!” He wiggled all ten of them in a wave, left to right, then back again. “Don’t bug me. This is so quaint, you don’t even know.”

Nick huffed. “I thought you were going to help me out!”

"Yeaaah. About that." Bill twisted his neck distressingly far around to face Nick’s floating form, absently rubbing both hands up and down his chest through the fabric of his shirt. "Sorry to break it to ya, Glasses, but you handed this thing over to me fair and square. I’ll get to your little romance problems, don’t worry, but ‘till then, I’m the one in the driver’s seat. So sit back and enjoy the _riii_ ~…” He choked off, brushing against his very first-ever set of nipples. “Ohhhh… Ho ho, you’ve gotta be kidding me, there’s this much nerve tissue here?  _Why?!”_ he exclaimed giddily, and rubbed harder. “This doesn’t make any  _sense_ I  _love_ it!!”

"…I really don’t know how to feel about this," Nick mumbled, slouching in midair.

Bill paid him no mind, tearing a row of shirt buttons open to paw over his slight paunch, grabbing and shaking and cooing at the elastic jiggliness with an eagerness that left dark pink starts of bruises like so many Dalmatian splotches in his wake. “The hair! It’s so  _fuzzy!_ " Stripes joined the spots, as Bill discovered human fingernails with a low croon.

"Hey, now!" Nick spoke with alarm. "Careful, there! I’ve gotta get this back when you’re done!"

Bill rolled his eyes, one after the other. “If you don’t want to watch, you can float somewhere else. I’m gonna be here a while.” He patted the tent behind the soggy crotch of his pants; his eyes twitched at the touch, much to Nick’s dismay. “Oh yeah.  _That’s_ the stuff.”

Nick’s hand went for his handkerchief, only to find he couldn’t lift it from his spectral blazer pocket. He gave an exasperated sigh, watching Bill try to fight his belt open. “I have to make sure you don’t  _break_ anything,” he said with a frown.

"You humans have a fun-tube growing  _out of your body!_ Why would you keep it trapped in a maze?” grunted Bill, vexed by the motor skills needed for the concept of ‘unbuckling.’ He finally shucked off the wet trousers, underwear and all, from brute pushing-down force, leaving reddish streaks down his waist. “Why’s it go all stand-uppy like that, anyhow? It’s been doing that since I touched those things on your chest meat.”

Nick sunk his face in his hands. “Just don’t be too rough with the—”

Bill screeched in ragged pleasure, fist clamped around his balls. He coughed and gagged helplessly, body spasming around him at the new flavor. “W.. _way_ ahead of ya, Glasses…!”

"You’re going to break them!"

"Ss-sooo what?" hissed Bill from the floor, shuddering as he gave the black-haired sack another twist. "Weren’t planning on… having kids, right? Is—isn’t that how this works? Ooh, look, I’m all sweaty…"

"I can’t believe I’m saying this but  _stick to the.. the tube!_ Not those! Please, I’m begging you! Who knows what you’re going to—”

Bill’s shoulders shook from the force of the pain-retch rippling through him. A plume of watery vomit burst out from his mouth, speckling the carpet.

Nick pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Happy now? Are you done?”

"Whaaaat… was…  _thaaat?”_ Bill moaned, the words gliding in ecstacy. “Your gut tubes were like a  _roller coaster_ just now…! And that explosion! I didn’t have to move anything! I can’t even…” He curled into a delirious ball, arms around his bare legs, smacking his lips against the new wetness. “I never knew humans were  _so much fun!!”_

"The sun’s rising," was all Nick could say, silently glad that the host he’d invited had at least let go of his privates, for now. "There’ll be people showing up here before long. If you’re going to see my fiancé, we don’t have all day here."

"Right. Fiancé. Whatever." Bill closed pleasure-dilated eyes and sucked in a long breath, riding the high. "I don’t care when it happens, I’m doing that again."

"My car’s in the parking lot. Keys are in the ignition. Just… make sure you put my pants back on," Nick said with weary resignation. "When we get back to my place, you’re going to need a shower and a sha…" He trailed off.

"A what?" asked Bill, still panting.

"…You’ll need a shower."

 

_[Next chapter: The Fiancé, and Fun At The Automat!]_


	2. Fun at the Automat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS THIS CHAPTER: ongoing less-than-consensual possession, multiple flavors of self-injury, stuffing/overeating, talk of vomiting (gonna give the puke portion its own ‘Chapter 3’ after this one, in case anyone wants to skip it and move directly to the date nastiness in Chapter 4). Enjoy, fellow trianglefuckers!

First Time’s the Charm  
by Apricot the Gerbil

Chapter 2: Fun at the Automat

  
Nicodemus Smith drifted to the front door of his apartment from the passenger's seat of his car, feeling a hundred years older than he did the night before.

"You busted my car," he repeated in a low monotone.

Bill sprang from the driver's seat in Nick's borrowed body, all manic limbs and a rictus grin. The right lens of his glasses was cracked. "I know, right? Not bad for a first time driving!" He sidled past the front of the car, with its new gigantic dent in the hood. "Besides, that deer couldn't've felt a thing."

Nick tried desperately to shiver away the memory. "Gah... Just-- let's get you showered. Gwen usually wakes up around eight, so we've got a couple hours before then."

"Got it!" Bill wagged the chain with the car and house keys on it in one hand on his way to the door, spanking the dull points against the other's palm over and over. "Why do I have to shower again?"

"Because you _soiled_ yourself when you took over my body!" said Nick, pointing to the stain on his body's pants with disgust.

"First try at that, too!" Bill protested. "C'mon, what's a few pants-wettings between friends, huh?"

There was a stony pause until Bill piped up, "Call it a hunch, Glasses, buuut... Starting to get the idea you don't like how this deal's going. No more 'Sir's, no more 'Mr. Bill, please's..."

This got a sigh from Nick. His spirit sunk towards the ground. "I had no clue what I was getting into. That's all there is to it."

"Well, if it makes any difference to you, I've been going stir-crazy in this thing." Bill grimaced, teeth bared with the same painful-looking clench as his smiles. "Seriously. How do you humans spend your whole lives going, 'oh, I think I'll go over there,' and then you have to WALK there? _The whole way?!"_ He flailed his hands in the air. "You know every one of my canes is a separate sentient being, right? They're all just REALLY stupid. And I can't even summon one of _them_ when I'm in this..." He wiggled his fingers at himself. "This squishy overcoat!"

"You know what? Yes. I'm glad you're uncomfortable," Nick's ghost said grumpily. "Maybe that'll make you want to do what I called you for sooner, and-- and not waste time... _manhandling_ yourself, moaning like some two-bit tramp. The summoning book didn't say anything about that part..."

Nick was surprised by Bill holding a fleshy finger up to his mouth, shushing him with that same tingly sensation on contact. "Listen. Glasses. Buddy. Would you take someone to an amusement park they didn't know existed, then drop 'em off at the front gate and say they couldn't come in?" Bill patted his own chest. "You're helping me have the best time I've ever _had_ on this plane of existence! And trust me, after Drunk Poker Saturdays with the Founding Fathers, that's saying something." His fingers inched behind his tie and through his open shirt to swirl around a nipple as he spoke, with only a twitchy left eyelid breaking his serious expression. "I'm bound by laws you couldn't wrap your head around in ten lifetimes that you'll _get_ your request if we shook on it. So relax!"

Nick's rigid shoulders eased somewhat. A small smile slid onto his face.

Bill continued, "And I've been meaning to ask. What's a shower?"

\------

Bill tipped his neck until it made a light crack, glancing up at the shower nozzle... giving a suspicious glare to the rubber duck on Nick's soap rack. He stepped into the shower stall and declared, "Ehh. Makes about as much sense as anything else you humans do. Let's do this!"

Nick floated up to him. "You need to take your clothes off first!"

"Ughhh... All these rules!" whined Bill. _"Fiiiine."_ With a grunt and some distressing ripping sounds, he shoved the grey and white suit off his body piece by piece, broken shirt buttons and all, dumped it in a heap outside the shower stall, then placed his glasses neatly on top. Only the tie was left dangling from his neck, swaying over scratched and bruised doughy-pale skin.

Bill pulled at the knot of the tie from one end, eyes unfocusing as it tightened its hold. He yanked again, and wheezed for breath through the checkered silk band. "Ooh," he purred quietly to himself, shifting both hands against his forearms. "Mind if I wear this in?"

"It's not meant to get w--" Nick began in protest, but gave up. "Sure. Go ahead."

"Great!" Bill tugged the tie's knot tighter. His toes curled on the floor tiles as he strained to breathe in with a low hiss, eyelids fluttering.

Nick stared at him. "I changed my mind. Take it off."

Bill shrugged, his voice a thick rasp. "Whatever. Your loss if you don't want a preview." He picked delicately at the silk, untying the knots to unfurl into one smooth, thin line. He added in a near-mumble to his feet, "Your date tonight's gonna think it's a great idea."

A blink, from Nick.

"What?"

"You can't unbutton a shirt without tearing it apart, and you know exactly how tie knots work?" the ghost asked flatly.

"Oh, that. Pul-leaze. I hold the secrets of the universe, pal. And one of the most important things anyone'll ever learn is how to accessorize," Bill said, tossing the tie to the floor. He looked blankly at the walls of the shower stall. "Now how do you make this thing work?"

Nick raised an eyebrow. "You really don't know how to take a shower?"

Bill opened and closed one hand in a sockpuppet motion, his voice a mocking singsong. "You really don't know how to do something you've evolved past the need for thousands of years ago?" His hands went for his hips. "Gee, Glasses, I guess I don't! You wanna help me feel smart here, or don't you?"

"Just turn that knob there to the left," Nick said, floating past his body to the two taps marked H and C and pointing to the 'H.'

He realized only after he heard Bill's first overjoyed screech that he may have made another terrible mistake.

"S..so... beautiful...!" Bill swooned, dangling his mouth open and letting the stream patter over his tongue and wide-open eyes. He gargled the steaming water, tittered, choked on it, and immediately did it again. "How hot can it get?" He cranked the tap farther to the left... farther...

"Stop. Stop it! You'll burn yourself!" warned Nick.

Bill was already giggling at his skin too loudly to hear him. "It's turning pink!... Hoho, now _red!_ I didn't know this thing can change colors!"

Nick thought fast. "Turn the other tap! Right now, trust me!"

Just as the first blister patches began to raise under the spray, Bill's hand went for the C tap and jerked it as far over as it could go. Freezing water blasted through the showerhead to a shriek just as orgasmic as the one before. "I... _LOVE..._ SH-SH-OWERRRS...!!" Bill wailed to the rafters, teeth chattering uncontrollably.

Nick let out a sigh of relief. He could worry about what his neighbors must be thinking later.

\------

After a while spent wrapping gauze around the worst-looking blisters and even longer learning the fine art of using buttons and zippers, Bill was finally presentable to be seen in public, if one ignored the broken side of his glasses and what looked like a bad sunburn now streaking most of his face. His button-up dress shirt and black slacks were accented with the black bow tie Bill demanded to wear upon sight of it in Nick's closet.

"Let's go break some hearts!" Bill declared with a merry grin, slapping closed the driver's side door and starting up Nick's car with the specter warily riding shotgun.

\------

Twenty minutes after it had closed, the door to Gwendolyn Durland's house opened once more.

"That was it?" Nick asked Bill again as he followed him out, hovering a little higher off the ground.

"You keep saying that," Bill remarked, thumbs hooked in his pants pockets. His toothy grin looked slyer than usual as he sauntered down the walkway steps.

"I-I... I just don't believe it was that _simple!"_ the soul sputtered.

"Yeah, it's easy giving the 'it's not you, it's me' speech when you've got no emotional investment in anyone from her entire species," Bill said, rolling only one of his eyes. "Hilarious what happens after she rebounds on you, though. Can you say, 'surprise conjoined twins'?" He giggled to himself, then added in a deadpan, "Well. I guess _she_ can. In about a year. Anyhow, you starting to feel better about our deal?"

Nick decided to ignore most of what he'd just said, and nodded. "I owe you an apology for doubting you, Mr. Bill, sir."

"Great!" Bill said, all smiles again. "Then maybe you can tell me why your body's been making meatquakes at me since I was in there?"

"...Meat what?"

A faint growl came from Bill's stomach. He squinted. "Like that! It did it again!"

Nick rubbed a finger through his chin and thought back over the morning. "Hm. S'pose I haven't had breakfast yet today."

"Breakfast! Sounds painful." Bill wiggled his fingers in glee. "Where do I sign up?"

"Well... There's an automat not far from here. They've got any kind of food you could ask for," Nick said. "You just put a few dimes in a slot, lift up the hatch, and you can grab out a decent meal, piece by piece."

"Huh. Food." mused Bill. "Guess I can give it a shot."

\------

"Hey, Glasses?"

Nick lifted his hand from his face. "What?"

Bill glanced at the few other people seated at the automat's cafeteria tables. "Why are they all staring at me?"

The spirit tried to bite his tongue. "I told you already. It's because when you go to an automat... people don't usually eat _half of everything in the automat."_

Bill seemed dumbfounded at this. He ran his hand over the swollen mass his stomach had become, as he'd been doing occasionally since nailing the concept of chewing _and then_ swallowing over an hour ago. "Are they having the same hamburger sandwiches I'm having? 'Cause I take back what I said about humans being unadvanced. Anybody who can take a cow and turn it into _that_ , I've gotta hand it to them!"

He grabbed another burger from the small mountain of wrappers and paper server-boats on the table before him, tearing the wrapper open and pausing only to spill pepper straight from the shaker over the bun before sinking his teeth in and moaning around each bite. Nick could only shake his head, gazing at the remains piled about: the grease stains from fried chicken legs, so many bowls of vanilla ice cream that he'd lost count, brown icing splatters and crumbs from the five slices of chocolate cake in a row that started the carnage...

Bill wheezed in delight through his lopsided chewing. "Y'know, it actually _hurts_ right now?" With one hand, Bill rubbed at the buttons barely keeping his shirt in place over the new swell of his belly. "After all those French-fried potatoes, it started getting this great big... dense... cement feeling in there. But now it really hurts!" He paused, shuddering as another belch rocked his body. "Ahhh... Yup, still hurts. Even when I breathe. It's _great!"_

Nick nodded blankly. "Well, I'm... glad you're enjoying yourself." And hopefully, whoever Bill found for him wouldn't mind some love handles, he thought glumly to himself.

As Bill sunk yet another heaping forkful of cake onto his tongue, remembering a moment late to close his mouth before starting to chew, a woman at one of the nearby tables got up to throw away her tray... then paused, and started walking from the trash bin towards him. Nick gasped at the sight of her face, skimming his hands down the ghost-tie at his neck over and over again in a nervous tizzy. "Oh no. Oh _no_ that's Roger McCorkle from work's _wife_ , I _know_ her, please don't talk to her please Mr. Bill, please--"

"Mr. Smith? Is that you? I thought you'd be at the office today."

Bill stared straight ahead, yellow eyes expressionless through his chewing.

The lady looked at Bill uneasily. "Are you feeling all right?"

Silence. Bill slathered a thick dollop of mayonnaise onto a slice of apple pie and shoveled a forkful of the tip into his mouth, refusing to look at her.

Nick fidgeted. "Okay. You can talk to her, just _please_ don't say anything too odd!"

In a low whisper, Mrs. McCorkle asked Bill, "Have you been drinking?"

"HA! Drunk on _beef!_ Best kind, am I right?" Bill exclaimed. "Hey, wanna see a trick I just learned?" He bared his teeth at her. Thin ribbons of apple filling squirted out from between the gaps. Nick kneaded both hands over his face, muffling his quiet scream.

"Well... make sure you don't make yourself sick," she said, and backed away wide-eyed to leave the cafeteria with an awkward silence.

Bill dabbed another handful of fries into a scoop of ice cream and stuffed it into his mouth, hands clenching and unclenching at the battle of hot and cold as he chewed. "Sick?" he repeated. "I've never been sick before. What's that like?"

Nick frowned. "Yes you have. This morning. When you threw up in my office."

Swallowing sharply, Bill said, "The roller coaster out of my mouth? That's what being 'sick' is?" His face lit up with joy. "I don't have to squeeze that lumpy sack thing, I can be sick from just eating? Glasses, you've been holding out on me!"

Nick shuddered at the memory. "PLEASE don't try squeezing anything anymore."

"Then tell me how I can be sick again!"

_"No!_ That's absolutely disgusting! You can't _do_ that!"

"You said the same thing about using the forks here for anything besides eating." Bill crossed his arms. "I think I've been fair enough. Either I'm going to be sick, OR I'm finding out why I'm not supposed to stick a fork in my tongue. Your choice, Glasses!"

Nick could still picture the face Bill had made at the first accidental stab into his gumline with the plastic tines. The way he'd lapped up the blood trickling down his lips, looking even hungrier than he did for his chocolate cake...

Bill's hand was already around his fork, inching it nearer to his face, not breaking eye contact with Nick's ghost even to blink. "Tick tock, buddy!" he grinned.

"Ugh... Fine, fine. You can be sick, just. Not out in public," Nick said, casting a wary glance around for anyone else who might recognize him. "If you're going to make a mess, you can go to the toilets here. And _then_ after you're done, you go looking for someone I can spend the night with, got it?"

"Gonna be sick, gonna be sick, gonna be sick," Bill sang to himself, bouncing in place, fingers clutching the edge of the table in excitement. "This is the _best. deal. EVER!"_

\------

_[Next chapters: Even More Fun at the Automat, and the Mystery Date!]_


	3. Not So Much Fun at the Automat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS THIS CHAPTER: Puking. Lots of it. Like, half an automated 1950s fast food restaurant's worth. Described lovingly. 
> 
> As vomit kink's a hard limit for a lot of folks, I take absolutely no offense if you decide to skip this part. It was originally going to just be the end section of Chapter 2, but I figured I'd set it aside for those who'd rather not read it. There's nothing plotwise here that can't be easily summed up in Chapter 4's intro. All I can say is, I had fun! :3

First Time's the Charm  
by Apricot the Gerbil

Chapter 3: Not So Much Fun at the Automat

It wasn't a long walk from the automat's dining hall to the men's room, but Bill's eager grin faded to a sliver after only his first few steps. The legs of his borrowed body wobbled underneath him, as though his center of gravity had shifted since sitting down to his first meal. He brushed his fingers through short black hair suddenly slick with sweat.

"Glasses, what's going on?" he called to the grey-suited ghost hovering not far behind him. "My gutsacks are making... watercooler noises--" He smacked against the saliva flooding his mouth, his lips drawing back in a sour curl.

Nicodemus clucked his tongue. "Well, well. Looks like you might be getting your wish whether you want it or not."

"What are you talking about? _This_ isn't being 'sick,' is it?" Bill said between shallow pants for breath. He shambled the rest of the way into the bathroom, cradling his bloated stomach as it snarled at him. "Pain's fun by itself, sure, but there's like... five things going on here I don't have any say over, and I'm not liking it!"

He stared at the urinals and pair of stalls in confusion, looking to Nick's spirit with a desperate, teeth-grit unease.

Nick found it difficult to feel any sympathy for the being who'd just been threatening his body with a fork. He crossed his arms, nodding to the farthest stall. "You'll want to get on your knees in there, and lift the toilet lid."

Bill did both, whining from the back of his throat at his stomach's lurch when he kneeled. A wet-sounding belch crept up on him by surprise, and he spit the taste of bile into the bowl without thinking. "I didn't know regret had a flavor," he groaned.

He watched the bubbles of spittle float silently in the water. Seconds ticked by to the sounds twisting and churning from Bill's middle. He swallowed, cold sweat dripping fresh from his brow. "What do I do?"

Nick floated through the stall door to rest atop the toilet tank, legs crossed. He gave Bill a shrug. "Now, you get sick. You _did_ know we humans don't like this part either, right?"

Bill slumped his head over the bowl, both hands clutching feebly at the rim. Besides his limbs starting to tremble, nothing happened. He spit again and wagged his head from side to side, moaning, "Heartbeat... pounding... in my skull...! I take it back, bodies are _terrible!"_

"All the secrets of the universe, and you don't know how to make yourself throw up." Nick shook his head.

"The _important_ secrets! Not how to navigate a walking sewer system like--" Bill stopped, yellow eyes jerking up to the spirit perched above him. "Wait. There's a way to _hurp_... make it happen? What? You've gotta tell me!"

For the first time all day, Nick felt a glimmer of control within his reach. It felt damned fine.

"I don't know," he said, clasping his hands behind his head and swinging his legs to settle against the side of the tank. "Humble's a pretty good look for you."

Bill was openly drooling into the bowl now. A pitiful whimper escaped him, even as he threatened, "Don't _toy_ with me, Glasses. You have NO. IDEA. I could make your worst nightmares run in terror fr-- _HULP_ from what I can unleash...!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Nick said. "But you'll have to promise _me_ something before I tell you how." He grinned. "You like deals, don't you?"

Bill's face had turned a worrying shade of red, even against the burns. "--make you... beg for the mercy of death... every time your head hits a pillow..." he panted, shaking in place.

"From here on, I get final say on what you do with my body. If I tell you to stop, you stop. Got it?"

Bill's voice came in one strained wheeze. "--strip you down to your _capillaries_ and play _jump rope_ with them--"

"Oh, believe me, Mr. Bill sir, I'll bet you could. But right now, there's only you, me, and that meat sweater you're stuck in." Nick pointed a thumb at his glowing chest. _"My_ meat sweater."

Bill's eyes narrowed to slits behind his cracked glasses. If it weren't for the heaving and flop-sweating, it very well might've looked intimidating.

"Shake on it?" Nick reached a hand down to him. _"Pal?"_

Shivering through another juicy burp, Bill took as deep a breath against his packed-full insides as he could manage. He pushed his arms up, bracing them on the rim. Lip quivering. Utter contempt flaring in his eyes.

And slapped his hand into Nick's palm, giving it a weak pump.

Nick blinked at it, suddenly flustered. "I... didn't actually think that would work."

Bill's arm dropped to swing like a loose plank at his side. _"Tell me the stupid secret!"_ he cried, the words slurring into a moan.

"Ah! Right, um," said Nick. "Stick a finger in your mouth and poke the back of your throat!"

"...Glasses, if this is your idea of a JOKE--"

"Just try it!"

Bringing up a shaky pointer finger, Bill slunk it past his teeth, his words muffled through his first jabs: "I'm tellin' you, you'll rue the day you _HWAAGLHLFF--"_

His eyes bugged shock-wide at the torrent of hot vomit falling out of him, slapping into the water for what felt like forever until his wheezy coughs for breath won out over the clench of his guts.

"That feel good?" smiled Nick.

Bill didn't need to be told twice. He jabbed his throat again, gagging up another volley of acid and meat and mash, keeping a deathgrip-hold on the bowl with his clawed spare hand. Through the retching came garbled bits of Bill's delirious _"ahhh~"_ of relief at last.

"One of my pals back in university used to call it 'getting the poison out'," he heard the ghost say to him from up on the tank.

"It's working," managed Bill, kneading at his tender stomach pudge through his shirt. "That... squeeze-y curdle-y feeling... it's going away!"

"Huh. All cleared out already?"

Bill's shoulders sunk. He wobbled his head back and forth, hair still matted from his sweating.

Nick gave a wave of his hand. "Do what you need to. I won't stop you." He couldn't help adding, half in disbelief, "Heh. I can do that now."

Bill scowled, pausing only to tickle out a string of coughs and another chunky spray against the porcelain. "Ughh... Don't think you've 'won' over me," he said, lifting his hands to give trembly fingerquotes. "The only reason you got me to agree to anything was because your body's just _that horrible."_

"I can live with that," said Nick with a nod.

Bill bent over the bowl again. It only took a couple gags this time for a throatful to splatter loose, much smaller and less furious than the ones before. "Whoo!" he cried, giving a last spit on top of the island of his own mess. "This is actually starting to feel good!"

The specter raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't get _too_ into it," he said, worrying his hand over the glowing knot of his tie. The last thing he needed was for Bill to start playing with his so-called 'fun tube' here in the bathroom...

"Why can I only smell pickles?" Bill mumbled with a snuff. "Oh, wait. Right," he added, snorting half of one out his nose into the bowl. He sat back, kneeling on his shoes, and patted his considerably smaller paunch. "Whew... I think I'm empty."

"Hmm." Nick took stock of his body-- trembly shoulders, clothes disheveled, hair a sweat-sticky rumpled wave-- and said, "Well, I think there's only one thing you can do now."

Bill narrowed his eyes, puzzled.

"You look like you need another shower."

The exhaustion didn't leave Bill's face, but his gleeful, squinty eyes lit up like never before. He stood up unsteadily, grabbing the sides of the stall for balance, and furrowed his brow at Nick, giving one last burp through a toothy smirk.

"Y'know, Glasses, for an insult to organic architecture, you might not be half bad after all."

He turned to open the stall door and walk out.

Nick swooped after him, begging nervously, "Flush! Sir! FLUSH! I might want to eat at this place ever again!"

\------

_[Next chapter: The Mystery Date!]_


	4. Mystery Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS THIS CHAPTER: ongoing possession; also, dongs and asses. Lots of dong and ass stuff this chapter. It's a dongassapalooza. Also there's both scenes of drinking of boozeahols and a glancing mention of drunk driving. 18+ or your local legal age restriction only.
> 
> SUMMARY OF CHAPTER 3 IF YOU SKIPPED IT: Glasses (Nick) managed to trick Bill into having the last word on what Bill does to Nick's body while Bill's possessing it. If Nick says 'stop,' Bill has to stop. Bill is now also badly in need of a shower for reasons I'm not getting into here 'cause Gross. Sorry not sorry.

First Time's the Charm  
by Apricot the Gerbil  
  
Chapter 4: Mystery Date  
  
  
The hot water had run out a while ago, but Bill was still bent under the shower stream, far too occupied to notice.  
  
"Now try rubbing the right side of your neck," Nick's spirit said, floating just above his shoulder in the shower stall. The demon borrowing his body moved to do so, rolling his head back in murmuring bliss as soon as fingers met the skin. "I never understood why those spots do what they do to me, but they sure work!"  
  
 _"Tell_ me about it," drawled Bill dreamily. His other hand reached down to twist along the length of the erection bobbing between his legs, batting at the head to make it bounce. "And this fun tube you humans have…! It's like a mood ring that runs on how much blood's moving through it!"  
  
"Mood ring?" Nick looked confused. He swerved around to face Bill, squinting down to look for any band markings on the skin there.  
  
"Or were those in the Sixties? Seventies? Whatever. I could never tell the 50s and the 60s apart anyhow," Bill mumbled through his endorphin haze. "But this's gotta be the second… ehh. Maybe the third… most fun I've had with blood pooling somewhere. And it's even _inside_ a body this time!" His breath went short as he crooked a thumb under the head of it. "I'm a little surprised you're letting me play around with this thing. One wrong scratch, and you'd be-- oh _wow_ that's pleasant… looking at a real gusher."  
  
"Well… I…" Nick began, finding it hard to concentrate past the sight of his own private parts being stroked right before his eyes. "I figured you ought to know how it _works_. And it's nice to see you doing something to my body that's not going to put me in the hospital." His eyes stayed fixed on Bill's fingers, glistening with a lukewarm water sheen as they explored the wattled wrinkles of skin stretched thin at the base of the head.  
  
"Just want me to know the ropes, huh? Riiight." Bill gave Nick's ghost a grin. "You can admit you like what you see, Glasses. No need to be ashamed! Humans think about people without any clothes on all the time!"  
  
"I've-- well I just haven't ever seen it from this _angle_ before," Nick muttered.  
  
"Want me to turn around so you can stare some more?" Bill asked brightly, still groping away at himself.  
  
Nick sighed, fidgeting with the frames of his glasses. "…Yes," came his quiet reply. When Bill did so, he hovered down to crotch level, almost shyly, studying the curves of his own rear end.  
  
"Try rubbing in a circle under the-- the tip part," Nick said through his gawking. "And keep doing it. Trust me."  
  
Bill shrugged, moving the pad of his thumb where he'd been instructed, rolling round, and around, and… _around_ , his face slowly wrinkling in a mix of surprise and curiosity at how the feeling grew more intense. He kept rubbing, barely noticing the ghost openly ogling him now, more engrossed in the pool of tingly warmth spreading at his crotch, making his hips buck, his eyes roll back...  
  
"Try touching your neck while you're doing that, if you can. Right now, where I showed you."  
  
Bill's left hand went for the sweet spot. Slinking across it. Pinching it. Yowling, as his right hand sped up, moving from detail work to outright flaily jerking. His muscles began clenching of their own accord; he blurted out, "Is this going to hurt?"  
  
Nick smirked, eyes glued to Bill's pumping fist. "Far from it."  
  
Bill kept moving anyway.  
  
He yanked at the pounding stub in his hand to a huffing, broken string of _"ahh…"_ s and _"aah--!!"_ s until a final, no-turning-back surge of chemicals and other glowy floaty feelings swept over him with equal parts kiss and sledgehammer.  
  
Spurts of cloudy semen burst from the tip of his fun tube, to a strangled nonsense cry from Bill. Who then crumpled unceremoniously to the shower floor in a heap.  
  
Deep within the Mindscape, the dapper one-eyed triangle hovered up from the theoretical concept of "ground" to dust himself off from his landing point, a few feet from where Nick's body lay in the physical world. He looked over to Nick, who gaped back at him.  
  
"Let's go with pretending this part never happened," Bill said simply, and hopped back into Nick's cooling meat shell.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Bill had yet to pick himself up from the tiles. "How. Do you humans. Not just sit around doing that CONSTANTLY." he demanded, unblinking against the water spray sprinkling into his eyes.  
  
"I knew it was a good idea to practice this at home first," said Nick with a nod. "At least now you know what you can have if you play nice with your toys tonight."  
  
"Noted," came Bill's wheeze.  
  
———  
  
"So," said Bill, pushing shirts aside in either direction as he surveyed the contents of Nick's closet. "What in here screams 'I'm a sophisticated guy who's in need of a deflowering'?"  
  
Nick cleared his throat. "Well. I think just a decent button-up and some slacks should do."  
  
Bill's eyes brightened. "And don't forget the--"  
  
"Let me guess. The bow tie?"  
  
"Tch. Hardly," said Bill. "Gotta go with a suit tie tonight. This one's nice!" He slinked a thin black tie through his fingers, unhooking it from the small tie rack on the back of the closet wall. "This doesn't look too classy for a bar, does it?"  
  
Nick blinked in surprise. "We're going to a bar?"  
  
"Sure! Nifty thing about being from the Mindscape: I know all kinds of secrets people keep. And there's a place downtown that's hiding plenty…"  
  
———  
  
"Hey there, hun'. What can I get you tonight?" asked the barkeep with a smile when Bill came calling. She'd stopped on her way between other patrons, bottles stacked on the serving tray she balanced expertly on her arm; the jukebox was spinning and the bar was hopping, even for a small-town Friday night.  
  
"I'm here for your lounge room," he said, tilting his head forward knowingly. "Orchids being in bloom tonight, and all."  
  
The barkeep's eyebrows raised at the password. Her smile faded. "So you know about the lounge," she said, slowly shifting her other hand to her hip. "You know _all_ about the lounge?"  
  
"I've heard some things some of 'em are into there," said Bill smoothly.  
  
She fixed him with a long stare. "Haven't seen your face around here before. Who told you about it?"  
  
"Oh, you know," Bill said, giving her a casual wave of his hand. _"Guys..."_  
  
Up came a warning finger; the tray on her other arm didn't even jiggle. "You'd better not be a cop," she said. "Never had this place raided once, and I intend to keep it that way. I may not play for their team, but I care what happens to my customers."  
  
"You've got nothing to fear from me," said Bill. He couldn't hold back a snicker. "Sorry. I don't get to say that too often."  
  
"It's back there, on the left." She pointed out a doorway along the far wall, and started towards the other customers again. "Just don't be surprised who chats you up. We get all kinds here."  
  
Bill grinned at Nick's ghost. "Oh, I'll bet!" he said, strolling over to the door, fingers a-wiggling.  
  
\------  
  
The lounge was small, but with enough room for a scattering of chairs and tables and a well-stocked bar counter along one wall. Nick looked around at the handful of men seated here and there. "Nobody here I recognize, but... gosh. There are actually people like me in this town...!" he said with a hushed glee, floating excitedly from new face to new face. He came to rest by Bill's side. "What do you plan on doing?"  
  
Bill's widening yellow eyes regarded each of the four in the room. "Getting to know everyone," he said, with a lilt to the words that made Nick shiver despite himself.  
  
The bartender wiping down a glass behind the bar was first. "Ehh. He's just here for the extra pay," Bill said to Nick with a toss of his hand.  
  
Bill turned his gaze to a paunchier fellow in a smoking jacket sipping at a martini. "Hoho...! This one has potential. More of a ladies' man, but he's gone home with a couple guys here before. Isn't planning on telling a soul." He smirked, keeping up his bug-eyed stare. "D'aww. He's a cuddler! Has a puppy at home he's keeping from his landlord. And..." Bill tilted his head. "Huh."  
  
"What?" Nick prodded.  
  
"So on a scale of 1 to 10, how big of a genital warts fan are you?"  
  
Nick's lip curled slightly. "Nnn. I'll pass."  
  
Bill's eyes wandered to settle on the older mustachioed gentleman seated at a nearby bar stool. "Aha! Nobody keeps _that_ many underwear catalogs hidden under the bed without being a _little_ interested."  
  
He walked up to the stranger with a merry grin, saying, "So, I've got a contest going with a friend of mine to see who's better at swallowing things..." He squinted. "...Six point two inches long, just under two inches wide, with a bit of a curve to the left. You interested?"  
  
The gentleman stared back at him.  
  
Bill's grin grew wider. "I'm talking about your junk!"  
  
Keeping eye contact the whole time, the man picked up his scotch glass. Stood up from his seat. Backed away slowly. Until he had left the room.  
  
"Ehh, his loss," said Bill with a shrug. He ignored Nick's hand-wringing, setting his sights instead on the only man in the room he hadn't yet looked over. "Hmm."  
  
The bearded stranger was a big one, with a fair bit of muscle obvious on his arms through his thin tan cardigan. There were two empty shot glasses in front of him already, and a third clutched in one hand. It took him a moment to notice Bill sidling up and taking the stool next to his.  
  
"You don't know what you're doing here tonight, do you?" Bill asked him. "Just seemed like the right place to turn?"  
  
The man looked up, and made a noise that was slightly more groan than chuckle. "Caught me. Haven't been here in years, but my wife found some... drawings, I had." He rested his chin in his hand, shaking his head mournfully. "I told her they were from adventure magazines, but she saw right through me. Left me a few hours ago. Maybe for good, this time."  
  
"Hey, good day for it! I just broke up with a fiancé," said Bill brightly. "Wanna form a club?"  
  
The man sat back, looking Bill's borrowed body over. "Fine young man like you, shouldn't worry too much. Must have women clawing at your door."  
  
Nick's spirit gave a small, hurt frown at the words.  
  
Bill replied, "Not that I know of. But as for you, maybe it's time to give something new a try?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
Bill patted his own chest. "How about me?"  
  
If he had a heart in this form, Nick was sure it would've stopped. "What are you doing?!" he called from over Bill's shoulder. "He thinks I like girls! He could be--"  
  
The stranger only chuckled. "Buy me a drink and let's talk, kiddo."  
  
Bill smiled wider at Nick's awed silence. He reached to pat the back pocket where Nick's wallet was, then froze. "Oh. Right. I, uh. Kinda spent all my money at the automat earlier."  
  
"Too bad. Looks like I'll have to buy _you_ one, then," the man said with a smirk. "What'll you have?"  
  
Bill took the invitation in stride, tapping his fingers on the counter, squinting at the rows of mystery bottles behind the bar. "Not sure what's any good," he admitted.  
  
"First time drinking?" said the man, raising his brow.  
  
Bill nodded. "At all," he said nonchalantly.  
  
"Well, try the Irish whiskey." The stranger lifted his shot glass and tipped back what it held. "Three of these in me, and I am feelin' _no_ pain, I can tell you that."  
  
Bill paused a moment, lip twisting in a scowl at the very idea... before holding up his pointer finger and drawling, _"Ooone_ whiskey, then. Only one."  
  
The man motioned for the bartender, tapping twice on the counter and pointing to the shot glasses. "So tell me more about yourself."  
  
Bill stared at the full shot glass set down before him, then tipped it back as the other man had done, coughing as he tried to chew what poured into his mouth. He swallowed thickly. "Well, depends on..." A gag and a full-body shudder cut him off, as the drink slid down his throat. "Ghh--!! Ugh, uckhakk-- uhhh...! Tastes like hate! If it was set on fire...!"  
  
He twisted on his chair, hands clawing at nothing, until he wrestled his senses back into control, slumping against the counter. "Hohoho. _Wow."_  
  
"Has a bite, don't it?"  
  
"It feels... hot," Bill said slowly, eyes slowly shifting out of focus as he felt the liquid slide to the pit of his stomach and simmer there. His face reddened, almost matching the burns. "Head's starting to swim. Feeling... glowy inside." He giggled. "This is _adorable_. It's like you humans made your very own Baby's First Try At The Fourth Dimension!" he murmured to Nick.  
  
"What's that?" asked the stranger.  
  
"Right. So. I was saying," Bill began again, leaning in close. "I'm just a lonely soul trying to…" He giggled. "Naw, y'know what? I'm feeling _really good_ right now, I'm just… I'm gonna go for it. See, I'm only possessing this guy's body until he gets to go home with someone here and sleep with 'em. Whatever that means." He settled a hand on the man's shoulder with a loose swing of his arm. "And lemme tell ya, you're looking like the best candidate so far."  
  
Nick gasped, mortified, hands going for his tie out of habit-- only to be surprised at the man's hearty guffaw. "More blunt than I'm used to, but you've got a great sense of humor! I like that." He reached out a hairy hand for a shake. "Name's Bob."  
  
"I know," Bill replied warmly, returning the handshake. "I take it you might be interested?"  
  
Bob stroked his own bristly chin, thinking it over. "You're moving a little quick for me, to be honest. I've done my share of staring over the years, but... I've never done anything like this before. Much less with someone I just met."  
  
"Well, well, well. Look who matches again! Neither have I!" Bill declared. He drummed his fingers from left to right and back against the countertop, giving a snorty chuckle, like he'd told some private joke… then added, "I _reeeally_ hope you know how to do whatever it is we're gonna do, by the way. I'm not kidding when I say 'never'."  
  
"Fresh night for both of us, then. Hmph," Bob said, reaching to clasp a hand around Bill's, dwarfing it in comparison. "I'll have one more for the road. Then back to my place, and we'll see what happens? It's not far."  
  
"Keen!" said Bill, swirling in a lopsided turn on his bar stool to shoot the ghost behind them a thumbs-up.  
  
Nicodemus brought his glowing hands to his chest. "I don't believe it. This is really happening!" he said to himself, watching as Bob tipped back one last shot, tossed a wad of dollars on the counter from his cardigan, and got up, fumbling through pockets for car keys, with Bill swaying close behind. For the first time in a long time, Nick felt a stir of hope.  
  
"Here, you had four of those floaty things. I'd better drive," Bill said, taking the keys from Bob's hands.  
  
And back to the worried tie-fretting.  
  
\------  
  
"Yes. Oh yes keep doing that. Just like that YES. _YES_ KEEP _GOING_ \-- ahh...! _Ahaha!!"_ Bill cried, bucking his knees into the mattress, ass rearing up, lost to the feeling.  
  
"Sure thing, but," Bob mumbled from his hunched seat near the head of the bed. He continued scratching his fingers through Bill's hair, watching the smaller man's hands clutch creases into any part of the bedsheet he could grab onto. "Have to say, I've never known anybody to get into _this_ part so much..."  
  
Nick's spirit watched from the sidelines, enraptured by the sight of... _himself_... writhing, shirt open, trousers off, splayed over the lap of someone he barely knew. As he listened to the throaty wailing noises his body was making, he found himself groping at his crotch; his hands passed uselessly through his glowing grey suit pants, but he kneaded at them nevertheless, eyes wide and intrigued.  
  
"Never... not had a hat there before," panted Bill, tongue lolling from his open mouth. He flopped from his stomach onto his back to nuzzle closer against Bob's warm, pillowy gut-- and more importantly, into those even-warmer meaty hands. "You have no idea..."  
  
"Heh-- no, I can see. Hey, if it works for you," Bob said, smiling down at the wet spot smeared through the front of Nick's briefs. He pointed to the bulge straining against the white cotton. "More comfortable if I got those off of you?"  
  
"You can push anything off, on, or in me you want _just keep doing that to my head,"_ Bill whimpered.  
  
"You mean that, kiddo?" Bob said. His hands left Bill's hair for him to get up and peel Bill's briefs down his legs. He then stripped off his own boxers with a stretching grunt. He knelt over Bill's chest, pinning him to the bed between massive, hairy legs, all but swallowing the smaller one's body beneath him. "Think you could help me out a little?"  
  
Bill stared in abject befuddlement at the half-hard flesh knob suddenly bobbing before his face. He wheezed through grit teeth at it, then looked over to Nick's spirit, his expression pleading.  
  
"Oh, wow... Okay, this is important. You can lick it and suck on it, but DO NOT BITE IT," Nick instructed.  
  
That was all Bill needed to hear. He slipped Bob's prick past his lips and curled his tongue along the long tubed part, where he could feel veins pounding just below the skin-- _do not bite do not bite do not bite_. When he moved to slurp at the tip of it, Bob groaned above him, pushing farther in.  
  
Bill popped the stubby limb, much stiffer now, from his mouth. "I don't feel any scratching!" he pouted.  
  
And melted back against the mattress, moaning incoherently, as Bob took his magic fingers to town on Bill's short tangle of hair again.  
  
"Anywhere you want me to scratch besides your head?" he heard Bob ask.  
  
Bill gave a delighted cackle. "Anywhere is right!"  
  
"Yeah? How hard you like it?"  
  
Bill grinned up at him, yellow eyes impishly aglow. "YES."  
  
"Oho...! So you're into the rough stuff," Bob smirked back. "Like this?" He clawed down Bill's hips like a bear with stubby fingernails, beaming at the howl Bill made.  
  
"Like that. So much like that yes good that's..." Bill babbled, eyes flickering open to seek out Nick's spirit as an afterthought. "Not too much for you, Glasses?"  
  
Nick squirmed in midair. "This is... kind of... really hot to watch," he murmured back, dabbing the back of his hand over nonexistent sweat on his forehead.  
  
Bob backed away to hoist Bill's reedy legs over his shoulders. "Knockin' on the back door," he warned, reaching both his hands under Bill's open shirt to give one more lingering rake down Bill's sides.  
  
 _"Hnuuhh--!"_ shuddered Bill, fingers and toes curling. "I don't know what that means but just show me!"  
  
So Bob did.  
  
And frowned, as Bill's spasming muscle ring squeezed his hard-on right back out. He tried poking in the tip again, slower this time, getting a delicious gasp from underneath him… only for the same thing to happen.  
  
"Gotta relax a _little_ , kiddo, or I'm not gettin' in," Bob said.  
  
Bill opened squinty eyes through his shivering, looking as vexed as his bedmate. "Body... tightening up... I can't help it!!" he managed.  
  
"That so? Hmm," said Bob, thinking. Without any hints, he grabbed hold of Bill's calves and pulled the trembly man's ass up further towards his face.  
  
"What're you--" Bill started to ask, struggling to prop himself up on his elbows. He heard Bob spit, felt a sudden wetness oozing down his cleft-- and then, warm, soft, squishy muscle was lapping over the offending hole.  
  
 _"Ahh_ hahhh...! _Ahhh!!"_ Bill yelped, lashing against the sheets like the feeling stung him. One hand darted up to his face to have something to bite down on, muffling a screech, as Bob's tongue swirled on. And around. And _in._  
  
"Hold it, I can't--!" Bill's whole body went rigid. "No more! I can't, I'm-- I'm gonna--"  
  
Behind Bill's ass, Bob's mouth quirked in a smile. "Yeah?" he pulled away just long enough to ask. His hand moved to the skin of Bill's rigid, wagging shaft, tugging up and down…  
  
From his midair perch above them, Nick's hands went for his tie, seeing a glowing top hat flicker out from the top of his body's head, then dart back inside.  
  
Bill sucked in a sharp gasp, his eyes rolled to blank yellows. "STOP. Stop. stop-- qll jrze f zxkq--"  
  
Bob backed off, alarmed. "You okay there?" he asked, easing Bill's quaking legs back down onto the bed.  
  
Bill curled on his side like a shrimp, sweat dotted thick and fresh upon his brow, arms and legs prickly with goosepimples. "Too much," he panted, still shuddering. "What are those 'bucking' things? Horses? Broncos? S'like... trying to hold onto one of those, just staying inside this thing when you do that, all together..."  
  
"Hey, hey. Sorry. I shoulda listened to ya," Bob said, nestling up alongside Bill-- then pausing, taking a closer look at Bill's skin. "Jeepers…! Are those burns? I didn't even see." He lifted up Bill's shirt and winced at the sight of his nail tracks going right through one of the bigger blisters. He covered his face with his hands. "Ughh. Too darn drunk to know what I'm doing."  
  
Bill shook his head, rubbing sweat streaks onto the mattress. "Not even… a problem. Just… just give me a minute..." he wheezed.  
  
Bob lay there awkwardly. He inched a hand towards Bill's back, then halted, unsure of what sensations would be too much. "Do you… still want to try anything tonight?"  
  
Bill glanced over to the spirit hovering nearby.  
  
Nick clasped his hands together. "Please. I'd love to see more!"  
  
"Suuuure," said Bill to Bob, twisting his grinning face back in his direction.  
  
"Well. Not to bring her into this," Bob began, "But if you still want to go the whole way… When the missus and I had trouble, ah. Fitting. We'd have to make sure she had _her_ fun first." He twirled his fingers around each other thoughtfully. "So I wouldn't be surprised if, you know. You just needed to…"  
  
Bill sat bolt upright, startling both his bedmate and the ghost listening in. "There is _no way_ you know how brilliant that is!" he declared. "It's _perfect_. Do you have--" He frowned. "Oh, what are they called. Those little bags you dump human milk into? And people hide them all over town when they're having an affair? Planters and vases, mostly."  
  
Bob looked confused, but Nick grimaced at the thought. "You don't mean condoms?" the spirit asked.  
  
Bill snapped his fingers, pointing at what looked to Bob to be thin air. "That's it! D'you have any condoms?"  
  
"Oh... sure," said Bob, crawling to the side of the mattress to check the bedside drawer. "One or two here somewhere, at least. But… what was that about 'human milk'?" he mumbled.  
  
When Bob looked back at Bill, the smaller man was unthreading the tie from around his shirtcollar, wriggling his shirt off the rest of the way. He tossed the shirt aside, but kept the tie, sitting back on his knees.  
  
"You know how to put on a condom right, right? I need you to put it on me." Bill's hand moved to pump at his fun-tube.  
  
"And what's that for?" asked Bob, pointing at the loose silk band.  
  
Bill swung it over the back of his own neck, crossing one end over the other in front. He tugged both ends, one in each hand. "You can pull here… or here, while I'm busy with myself. And besides that," he said with a wicked grin, "You can look, but you can't touch!"  
  
"Um," Nick spoke up, concern edging his voice. "I… don't know about this."  
  
Bob leaned back where he lay, giving a low whistle to the ceiling. "Weren't kidding when you said you liked it rough…"  
  
"You don't like the idea?" asked Bill.  
  
"I think it's a great idea. I'm just not sure if I'm…" He chuckled. "I'm either too drunk to try it right now, or not drunk enough. Either way, I'd probably break you somehow."  
  
Nick's shoulders visibly relaxed, just as Bill's slumped in disappointment. "Is that what you meant--?" he sputtered, letting the tie ends fall. He crossed his arms. "Stupid future sight! I could have worn a bow tie tonight after all."  
  
"What is it about being strangled?" Bob asked. "You like passing out?"  
  
"Oh, not that far. That wouldn't work out well for anyone involved," said Bill, glancing up at Nick's floating form. "It's just fun having to fight for it! I don't see why everyone makes such a big deal over a silly thing like… oxygen…"  
  
Bill trailed off, seeing Bob tear open the condom packet in his hands. Watching, as the larger man unfurled it over the semi-hard stump at Bill's crotch.  
  
And without a word, Bob flopped onto Bill's chest, stomach planted firmly upon his ribcage.  
  
"This work for ya?" he asked a gasping Bill with a smile.  
  
Bill's mouth opened and flapped, but no words came. He merely yanked an arm out from under the mass of hairy beef and started fapping, lungs already straining from the weight crushing down on them.  
  
Bob turned his head to the side to see the erection pounding strong in Bill's fist. "Can't say I understand, but just let me know when you need me to move," he said, listening as the wheezes from the body underneath him grew sharper, more intense… finally cresting in a brittle-sounding "ah…! ah _hahhhh~"_ as Bill's hand faltered and gave a final yank. _"hhh--"_ was all that came out, as Bill hip-bucked the condom full.  
  
Bob felt a weak pat against his stomach from Bill's other hand, and rolled off, leaving the smaller man sucking in breath after jittery breath. He watched Bill grab off the condom, knot it, and toss it over the side of the bed with shaky hands, then slump along the mattress again.  
  
"Smack me. Right now," Bill commanded.  
  
"You don't stop, do you?" marveled Bob, and laid a quick backhand against Bill's cheek.  
  
"Yes. Good. More," Bill moaned, raising his legs to bounce socked feet in the air. "One more for the road. Give it all you've got."  
  
Bob grinned back at him devilishly, landing a spank on Bill's ass. Then another. A swat. A punch. All yowled at with frenzied gusto. He hoisted the little man's legs back over his shoulders, boner at the ready in one hand as he rocked his hips in and away, searching… planting the tip in with a grunt, to much more yielding flesh this time.  
  
"Gimme something to remember the trip by," Bill hissed at him through his teeth. He wriggled and screamed, Bob's bulk squishing the air from him with every heave and spear inside, flattening him against the mattress.  
  
"You want marks?"  
  
"Bring 'em!"  
  
Bob's teeth lunged to sink into Bill's shoulder.  
  
Every part of Bill's body that could curl, did. "Yeeees," he breathed.  
  
 _"This is really really good,"_ murmured Nick to no one, squirming.  
  
Bob's mouth came down again, nuzzling the crook of Bill's right shoulder--  
  
 _"yes"_ Bill whispered, hushed--  
  
\--and bit in.  
  
 _"AAAAA--"_  
  
\------  
  
 _"---AAAA…!"_ hollered Bill, flying end over end out of Nick's body. "Ahhhahaha _wow!_ Just… WOW."  
  
Nick looked around, bewildered, at the room; everything had frozen in place, colors washed to dull greys. The two bodies tangled on the bed were silent.  
  
"I've gotta hand it to ya, Glasses. That was the best field trip I've had in a while!" Bill floated up to Nick and held up the knotted-off condom, flicking his fingers against the wetness inside. "This'll work fine as payment for my services. Though I'm really getting the better end of the deal here… You know that 'third son, times three' thing you've got going? You could be sopping up people's good luck like a _sponge_ if you had any idea how! In fact, I think I owe you one." He snapped his fingers. "Here! Have a present."  
  
A long, gnarled tangle of thin red tubes fell over Nick like a nightmarish feather boa. He screamed. "What IS this?!"  
  
"Remember when I threatened to play jump rope with your capillaries? Thanks for giving me the idea!" He giggled at Nick's expression. "Don't worry. That guy won't be needing his anymore."  
  
Nick lifted the strings of blood vessels off his face warily. "But-- but what happens now?"  
  
Bill crimped his sticklike arms in a shrug. "You wake up next to a good-looking guy. I'm sure you can figure out something from there." A portal of otherworldly light yawned open behind him. As he floated through it, he called back, "Thanks again for the ride! Off to make a senator…!"  
  
\------  
  
Nick woke up.  
  
To stings and aches all across his body.  
  
Which was snuggled in Bob's strong, scruffy arms.  
  
"Heh. Pretty screamer like you, I can't calm down," he heard Bob say. Nick felt a hardness brushing along the curve of his bare ass. "Think we can take care of this before we turn in?"  
  
He pushed back against it, skin against skin, coaxing its pulse to pound even faster. Anticipating what was to come with a vigor he'd never felt before, pain or no pain.  
  
"And here I was just getting started," Nick said with a grin. He eased onto his back, eyes shining…  
  
\------  
  
EPILOGUE  
 _  
~ a familiar nameless office building in Gravity Falls, 1982 ~_  
  
"Ah, Gravity Falls!" The floating triangle squeezed the ends of his bow tie and let go, eager for action. "This place never gets ol-- hey, wait a minute..."  
  
The target whose eyes were crossed out in the grainy Polaroid had lost a bit of hairline and gained considerably more silver patches, but the face was unmistakable.  
  
 _"You_ again?!"  
  
Nicodemus waved to the demon sheepishly from his kneeling seat in front of the summoning candles. "Me again," he said.  
  
"Well, well," Bill drawled, twirling his hand for a cane to drop into it. "Long time no see, Glasses. How'd things go with you and what's his name?"  
  
Nick gave him a tired, far-off smile. "Good. They went good. He finally went back to his wife a few months later. I think he was let down by how I didn't want to get smacked after that first night. But... then I met Ted."  
  
He sat back on his heels, a sappy grin spreading. "I never had the chance, but I wanted to thank you for the best years I've had in my life so far. Between you pushing me past the first steps and Ted helping me the rest of the way, I think I've really grown as a person."  
  
Bill floated down to poke at the paunch under Nick's sweater vest with the end of his cane. "Haha! I'll say you have. Don't tell me you learned how to enjoy eating once in a while since I was away, too?"  
  
"Well." Nick smirked. "Not whole automats. But Ted was one fine cook. I wish you could've tried something of his."  
  
"So they all lived happily ever after," Bill said, sounding bored. "What'd'ya call me out for, then?"  
  
Nick's smile disappeared. "Well... Ted. He's..." He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "He died. Last month."  
  
"Oh. Well." Bill's eye widened. "Annoying how humans keep doing that, isn't it?"  
  
"And I got to thinking. I don't want you to find me someone else. _I_ want to do that, when I'm ready. But in the meantime..." Nick sighed. "I'm still at the same job. Same town. And life seems a lot more boring now than it should. So... if you should want to, I don't know," he trailed off with a shrug. "Take a vacation into this world again sometime. I'd be willing to provide you a place to crash for a while."  
  
"Hmm," said Bill, considering it. "I just might."  
  
He held out a hand, suddenly ablaze with cool blue flame. "Shake on it?"  
  
  
~ end (for now) ~


End file.
